The library is less a government public funded service, as it is a living breathing biological organism, that has feelings, emotions, and desires- the most prominent of these desires being the need to mate and reproduce. So prominent is the burning libido of the library that it takes the world’s sexiest people to keep the library in check – to stop it from doing naughty things. Librarians are well regarded as the sexiest people in the world. Librarians are often required to wear protective clothing such as heavy glasses and frumpy cardigans to work. These protective items are less for the safety of the librarian, and more for the safety of the general public, who would otherwise be powerless to resist their sexy supremacy.
Through a carefully cultivated process, the sexy librarians allow the general public to take books, or ‘library seeds’, out of the building. The public then act as a honey bee would, leaving the books on bus seats and at the back of cupboards, thereby fertilizing other buildings and growing new libraries.
- Vera Bermuda in The Vine – go read it all.